This page was last updated on January 04, 2003 Copyright July 2001 All Rights Reserved Site written, designed, and maintained by Dena L Moore. Leading the way with unique offerings...you may find others on the net following my path, but you will find many original ideas and readings here first! |
A Safe Place for Bleeding Hearts |
This page was last updated on January 04, 2003 Copyright July 2001 All Rights Reserved Site written, designed, and maintained by Dena L Moore. Leading the way with unique offerings...you may find others on the net following my path, but you will find many original ideas and readings here first! |
July 2002 Question and Answer Ravenheart wrote: "I met a man 2 years ago at a wedding almost 2000 miles away. The connection is beyond 'familiar' and recognized and felt by both of us. We have kept in contact and saw each other in December of 2000...now he is coming here to do some work and spend some time with me. What I want to know: is this for a settling of karmic debt and a passing relationship or something intended for more 'permanency.' What is the nature of our connection and how can it serve both our highest goods?" Dear Ravenheart, Your relationship with your friend is one of great intensity and indeed, passion and drive. He stimulates you in many ways and can broaden your horizons both spiritually and materially. You can teach him quite a bit and he enjoys learning from you. However, there are bound to be many differences of opinion and long discussions between you that actually border on, or become, arguments. These arguments are best solved sexually, as you both are aroused by them. Despite this, over time you may both grow weary of always having to talk things out. There is a lack of instinctive understanding in the relationship that may not be readily apparent to either of you at first. You have a need for spiritual growth and self-realization that may be difficult for your friend to understand. He needs a lot of reassurance and attention from you and he may feel neglected while you are pursuing those aspects of your life you need to pursue. If you can provide the attention he needs, things will run more smoothly but you must carefully weigh just how much of yourself you are willing to provide to someone else. This is a karmic contact with suggestions of overdependency in the past--this may be the source of his need for reassurance and attention. In turn, you feel irritated and become emotional when he acts without your input--this is simply another expression of dependency needs being brought to the surface. I hesitate to answer whether or not this relationship is simply for the settling of a karmic debt because I do not believe that the settling of karma is ever the only reason for a relationship. While this is a karmic relationship, it is also a relationship in the current incarnation. My view is that all relationships have a reason for forming, whether or not there are shared past lives. Karmic relationships have a more distinct feel and intensity than newer relationships, such as you've described about feeling 'beyond familiar.' So, yes, you are working through karma together, but that does not mean your relationship will not become a more permanent union in this life. Because we all have free will, any relationship can become permanent if the partners are willing to work toward that goal despite the hardships, although I admit some relationships have many more difficulties than others! A permanent union is not necessarily better than a passing union either, despite the widespread belief that this is true. A great deal depends on what we need and desire as individuals and finding a balance between meeting our own needs and those of a partnership. In your relationship, Ravenheart, you are projecting some personal hopes and wishes upon your friend that are interfering with your ability to see the relationship clearly. You are both excited to have 'found' each other and you are very stimulated and driven as a couple, but to make this relationship work on a long-term basis, there is going to have to be quite a bit of compromise from both of you. As you continue on a spiritual path, which is very important to you, his need to take a more divergent course will crop up again and again and cause difficulty in the relationship. I feel that your paths crossed when they did because you were in some type of rut or period of inaction. He has pushed you forward simply by being there for you. You have brought him some light and hope and are teaching him about different ways of being. To serve both of your highest good, love and be loved, have patience with one another, and most of all, allow one another to follow your own direction with an open heart. Many blessings to you, Venuskitty |
August 2002 Question and Answer Arielle wrote: "A year ago I struck up a conversation with a man I met in a chat room. We shared many viewpoints and enjoyed talking online. Our conversations soon grew more personal, and we have been talking on the phone once a week since September 2001. We've given eachother gifts on special occaisions, and flirted about me moving down to see him. Unfortunately he lives in Texas and I in Minnesota. One major problem I have in this relationship is his busy schedule (he owns his own business) which has made past vacation attempts scrapped, and his guarded and conservative romantic style of pursing me. There are times when I feel in love with him, and other times I think his cool emotional temperature would hurt me too much to bear. My question is how compatable are we really, is there some way to overcome these roadblocks or understand them better? I'm not tied down in the least and would love to travel, and I have seriously thought of moving to pursue this potential mate. I am just having trouble picturing this from a wider angle. I would like to know if this relationship is meant to shape or change me in some way and if it shows signs of great potential. please advise! p.s. no he is not married." Dear Arielle, This is a very well-matched relationship. Your relationship with your friend will go through many phases, resulting in continuing, supported growth for both of you as individuals and as a couple. It has a self-renewing and transformative quality that is very special and not often found in relationships. There is a great deal of devotion and love flowing between you. The most difficult aspect of the relationship is exactly what you have mentioned. You need lots of verbal (perhaps also material) reassurance, which he has trouble delivering. He may seem to be opening up a bit at times, but then he retreats back to the safety of his work. It is hard for him to give you the reassurance and spoiling you feel you need right now. This is because, thus far, there hasn't been a specific commitment made. He does not feel 'safe' yet with you. However, he has a kind heart and he will be more than willing to provide you with a secure home and family life. There are also elements which suggest that no matter how domestic the two of you become, you will both also be able to retain some independence and work on individual projects/growth. He also feels you do not support him fully in his professional goals--perhaps you feel they interfere with your time together and you let him know this. His work is very important to him. Give him your support but don't expect him to undestand why you become emotional when he suddenly cancels plans. He simply places work very high on his priority list. If, in time, you can join him in his work, you will find that you make excellent work partners. He may seem as if he knows what is best for you, and you may feel that he really doesn't. Play closer attention to his ideas as they can be very valuable for you. There will also be some competition and arguing inherent in the relationship, but it will blow over quickly and will often be solved sexually. There is a great deal of sexual attraction and you can expect to open up sexually together. You will both enjoy exploring 'different' ways of doing things. Another aspect of this relationship I feel I must mention is your fear of losing him. You may consider cutting the bond with your friend prematurely simply because you are afraid that you will not be able to handle it if you become too close and then you lose him. It may seem easier emotionally to not get too deeply involved. This fear is emanating from a past life relationship together. When you feel like severing the bond, stop and confront your internal fears and seek the true reason lying beyond the surface. My advice is to pursue this relationship and allow it to grow. You have just enough tension to keep you both moving forward while maintaining the ability to create a more or less harmonious home and family life. You will both grow, change, and shape one another--but through it all, your relationship will remain strong. As you grow older, you will become more understanding of your friend's ways of showing affection. He may not be extravagant or open, but he has a lot to offer you (and you him). This is a rather beautiful combination and well worth the effort of developing. Many blessings to you, Venuskitty |
September/October 2002 Question and Answer Happy Go Lucky wrote: Do we choose love or does love choose us? Is there a time limit (astrologically speaking) for love? Dear Happy Go Lucky, You have asked some very interesting questions, and I can only offer my opinion based on my experience as an astrological and spiritual counselor. We do choose love, and yet...it also chooses us. We can choose whether or not to love, and whether or not to open ourselves to the experience of love. All of us are wounded in some manner or another--if only I could say that all of us understand this. Those who do understand are working on healing at all times, and there is no greater healing force than that of love. So those who are evolving, those who are clearing karma, and those who want to proceed on a spiritual path do open themselves to the power of love. Unconditional Love. This is a phrase that is often misunderstood, just as love is misunderstood. We can be in lust, infatuation, searching for security, and whatnot, but this is not love. Love is allowing each individual to follow their own path and supporting them on their path. It is forgiving each other for mistakes and allowing for errors within the relationship itself. It is also making a pact within ourselves to be who we are and to take care of ourselves first, for if we are not able to care for and love ourself, we cannot care for or love another. It is knowing when to draw the line and what to accept regarding the behavior of others. Knowing what you want as an individual will pull others into your life to love and will allow you to receive love in return. There are many different types of love, and many different people we will love, or learn to love, in our lives here on Earth. What one person calls 'love' may be mere friendship to another. There are many variations, just as there are different beliefs regarding monogamy, etc. There are 'safe' loves, and 'dangerous' loves (I do not mean violent or abusive relationships, but rather relationships that cause great internal fear). The safe loves are easy to manage and allow a person to work freely and go about their business. The dangerous loves are consuming and passionate, yet frightening. The dangerous loves are often relationships with heavy karma. Avoiding these relationships is akin to avoiding life itself. To confront the 'danger' takes a very evolved soul--often I see one soul who is ready to deal with the karma and rekindle the relationship yet the other soul is not ready. It may appear that I am being sexist when I say that it is often the male who is not ready, and I am sorry for this, because I am absolutely not...in my practice, this is what I have seen over and over. I believe it is harder for the male due to societal restrictions on the instinctual emotional part of the soul. However, this dangerous love can also occur between two people of the same sex, and this can be even more difficult because both partners cannot understand it, particularly if they consider themselves to be heterosexual. If a person finds this passionate love in the current life but runs from it, he or she is running from their own personal evolution. We will learn the most from our dangerous relationships. This is why I say that love chooses us, yet we also choose it. When that special (yet dangerous) love comes upon us and we indulge in it for a brief time and then choose to escape because the fear is too strong, then we are choosing to turn our back on love. And this leads me to the second part of the question, for if we avoid love and strangle it within our hearts and souls, not allowing it to blossom and grow, then we will face the same person/soul again in the future under a similar situation. Love will not go away. Once you have felt love, true love, with a soul, you will always seek that soul out (if not physically, then in the mind through dreams or daydreams)be it in this life, between lives, or in the next. So much depends on the relationship's purpose, for all relationships have one. There is no set astrological time limit on relationships or on love. However, though this may seem contradictory, relationships can and do end once the lesson inherent in the relationship is learned--to force ourselves to stay within a relationship that is 'over' is just as harmful as running away from love. We make agreements between lives to accomplish a certain degree of self-evolution, and these agreements are often made with those we love. Once you have completed that journey, spiritually speaking, you need to move on to the next and whoever you made the next agreement with. Say, for example, you are married yet both of you know that the spark is gone (the agreement has been fulfilled at this point) but you remain in the relationship. You don't hate each other, but you just don't 'love' each other either (at least not passionately). What is keeping you both in the relationship? Your children? Financial situation? Societal values? These are all important aspects of life and you will need to decide what is best for your soul's growth. Staying for the children may seem honorable, yet what are you teaching the children? It can be looked at in many different ways--are you teaching self-sacrifice and love for your children, or are you teaching that there is no happiness in life and that Mother or Father doesn't deserve to be happy? This can eventually undermine not only your own self-esteem, but the children's as well. Another aspect to consider is the importance of the person in your life and your soul's quest. If you have spent many lives with another person, both positively and negatively, you will feel familiar with that soul. So we have many different types of love in our lives and many souls we know and remember on some level. A passionate, dangerous love develops when two souls love each other and have for centuries. There is usually some tragedy that occurred in a past life that severed the relationship in a very unusual or painful manner--often one of the partners died a dramatic death. In subsequent lives, the two souls avoid each other (choosing not to incarnate at the same time, or one soul simply refuses to come back to this plane for a very long time), thus setting up a karmic tug of war between them. They want to be together, long to be together, yet the pain is powerfully strong and often guilt is a major issue that keeps them apart. Buried past life memories invade the subconscious when the two souls are together and makes one or both partners feel as if they will die if they stay in the relationship or die if they stay out of it--the ego feels it is safer to sever the ties that bind rather than work through it. Anger can become a factor of this, as repressed fear often escapes in such a manner. These relationships and how a person handles them are very important turning points in a person's life--for one thing, you will not be confronted with this type of relationship if you are not ready to heal and move beyond this point in your past. Then again, it is possible that not all souls have experienced a love circumstance like this, but nearly all of us have at one stage in our development. Although you did not ask a personal question regarding you and your friend, I did take a short look and I see you are pretty well matched, with a few difficult areas (we all need those!). Your Moons are rather at odds as she has a Scorpio Moon and you have a Sagittarius--her moon may get a bit too possessive for you at times. Also, you have Mars square Venus, which can become problematic if she feels you are being too sexually aggressive or sexually focused. With her Scorpio Moon, however, she may not mind too much. You also have a very close Venus/Neptune square, which can work in many ways, including enhancing your love for one another and as well as your individual creativity. Many Blessings! Venuskitty |
