At the very core of these challenges is a deep-seated fear of Venus and the power she holds within our psyches…an inability to embrace the part of our own being that resonates with the Goddess Venus (Aphrodite) as symbolized by the placement of Venus in our natal chart and the aspects made to her. If we are unhappy, self-negating individuals ourselves, how can we interact with our children in a way that supports the healthy development of their own individuality and ability to love?
In today’s world, the majority of us try to subjugate Venusian energy…we want to contain it and belittle it so we do not have to deal with such potent feminine power. Once released from the shackles, who knows what she will do or how she will affect our lives. Many may feel it is safer to keep her in the closet painting her nails, but Venus will not calmly remain in hiding forever…and the longer we keep her hidden, the greater her power over us and our actions will be when she finally breaks free. This is the energy of Attraction…a raw, sexual power…a power so potent that Aphrodite won Paris’ favor simply by loosening her belt! This power lies dormant within us all, if only we learn to recognize, embrace, and harness it to learn more about our own individual needs and how to make the best choices for our own spiritual growth. Venusian energy may seem immoral, particularly to those who have disowned it within their own lives, but the energy is there to spur us forward and to help us become a productive, happy, and loving individual.
But how do we know if we are embracing or neglecting this energy in our lives? It isn’t difficult to determine. If you have self-worth issues, feel unlovable, are unable to show love in a relationship (holding back out of fear or feeling you are not worthy of a beloved’s desire), pay heed to what others want for you rather than what you want for yourself, worry about what others think of your actions even though what you want to do will feed your Soul, then you have locked your Venus up tight and should be prepared for a external storm or internal war (that would rival the Trojan war) in due course. Eventually an outer planet, likely Uranus, will come along and rip the door off the closet so Venus can come out to play. And you better believe she will enjoy getting up to as much mischief as possible…and she will definitely make you pay for your negligence. Remember the story of Pasiphae and the bull? (Some versions of the myth give credit to Poseidon instead of Aphrodite). For another perspective on how to know if you are disconnected from Venusian energy in your life, Liz Greene says in “The Inner Planets”:
"When we are disconnected from Venus, there are certain characteristic repercussions. One is a loss of self-worth on a very basic level, and no amount of compensation with either others' approval or a self-negating ideology can really help.....there is often a loss of the sense of spontaneous joy and pleasure and simple self-confidence which the goddess personifies" (80).
and even more powerfully:
"It is possible to be so disconnected from Venus' function that one is not aware of wanting anything at all. There is a kind of emptiness instead, an apathy which results in mere survival rather than any sense of deep pleasure in life. If a person exists in this state, of course he or she does not possess any individual values, which are at the bottom mere copies of what is acceptable to one's family or social circle..." (78).
But why is it so difficult for so many of us to embrace and cherish Venus? Why do we fear becoming? The energy of Venus is threatening to many of us because it does not fit in with societal standards…the passionate desire, innate eroticism, seemingly self-centered vanity, and focus on the Self of Venus doesn’t fit comfortably with the vision of self-sacrifice, let’s make everyone happy and keep the peace mentality. Yet if we are unable to accept that we are individuals with unique needs and passions, then we end up holding ourselves back…we deaden our inner being and walk a line drawn by someone or something outside of our self. We refuse to embrace our own potent creativity and try to shove ourselves into a tiny box…what doesn’t fit, well, we amputate! We are all here in body to grow and evolve, not shut ourselves away and contract into a fraction of what we could be. Relationships are our most potent ‘tool’ for individual growth, and Venus is all about love and relating. Yet Venus does not create relationship just for the sake of being half of another (she‘d shudder if you told her she had to merge totally with a lover and give up her own individual Self)…no, the true Venusian purpose of joining together with another is to define our Self through reflection…to see our beloved as a reflection of our own being, to enhance our own value through being with and enjoying someone we are attracted to, a lover we can share our true inner Self with, a lover we can grow with and through. She does not belong to anyone but herself, yet she can give herself fully and with abandon knowing fully that she is giving her lover the greatest gift of all - herself. She values and loves herself enough to know she can give herself to those she desires and that she does not need to accept anyone she is not innately attracted to. In other words, there is never any ‘selling out’ or regrets the next morning. Imagine what a threat it would be to the status quo and popular rule, indeed, to our very vision of how we should behave in love if we all learned to love our Self and to accept Venusian energy into our lives? The uncontrollable power of real Love would change the face of humanity…in my opinion, for the better.
Love knows no mortal boundaries...a wedding ring does not prevent one from falling in love with another. Social class, race, distance...none of these things have more power than Venus and her power of attraction. It is only when we do not own her energy and heed her call that we struggle so with relationships - including the one with our Self! Yes, in real life scenarios people will get hurt, marriages will fall apart, and there will be pain and separation...yet once the transformation takes place and the ashes are swept up, joy can be found and self-worth issues dealt with, leaving healthier, happier, more productive people. Staying in an unhappy relationship (for whatever reason) and denying Venus will lead to far greater misery in the long run as the two souls begin to resent the other and hate themselves more and more for not being true to their own inner being and needs. The longer we attempt to lock Venus away and deny her, the more powerful the repercussions when she finally breaks down the door and escapes! Loving the Self means caring for the Self, which includes doing things we find pleasurable and not selling ourselves out for anyone or anything. It means seeing our own being as worthy of having love, sexual pleasure, desired comforts and anything that we need to make ourselves sing and soar, that enable us to express our Venusian energy and love for our Self and others.
Venus at her deepest, most profound level represents our loves as reflections of our Soul...to see your reflection accurately, you must embrace and learn about your true identity. Through embracing your own being, you will attract what you truly love and desire into your life.
Venus is a very deep and personal energy within us; it is not only the ability to love others but also to love our SELF, to cherish ourselves and to accept even the darker aspects of our own being. If a person does not love the Self, they are not able to love another.
The inability to love the Self is the source of much pain and tragedy in the world...so many women (and men) have children and do not know how to love them because they do not have self-love. Children should have the opportunity to develop the ability to love the Self and others from their connection to their parents and family, but as we so often see in our day to day lives, many children, even those within so-called ‘good’ family situations are often stymied, expected to behave according to their culture’s societal expectations and religion and to ‘make the parent’s proud.’ Other children find themselves treated as if they have no worth (as shown through such phrases as “children should be seen and not heard” or “I put you in this world, so I own you.”) or as if they are mere projections of the parents or family…puppets to serve the family function, with no worth as an individual. Still others will have to deal with jealous, hateful, and abusive parents.