Relationships, particularly love and sexual relationships, offer some of our most challenging and yet rewarding experiences in life. Have you ever felt the deep, silent sadness that creeps upon you when a partner grows cold or indifferent? Felt the sharp sting of bitter words during a quarrel? Most, if not all, of us have. I have, but I have also felt the pure solid bliss of understanding, acceptance and mutual love. Without love in our lives we would wither and fade away physically, spiritually, and emotionally. We all need love to grow and evolve; we also need to experience loving relationships in order to understand and really get to know ourselves. Enjoying and exploring our connection to our partner enables us to experience who we are and discover the greater potential within our self.
The intricate connections between two people can be traced by using a compatibility method known as Synastry. Synastry is the study of a relationship between two people and shows the relationship from the perspective of each individual involved rather than simply their combined energy (which is shown with a Composite Chart). To use Synastry we draw up two natal charts (also called nativities or birth charts) and then combine the charts from each individual’s perspective. This gives us a clear picture of how each person views the partner and shows us the intricate interactions and reactions to one another as well as the energy created within the relationship itself.
When working with Synastry we are working with four charts at once, each individual natal chart and two dual wheel charts. The dual wheels are created by placing the partner’s natal chart around the outside of the person’s chart, and then the other dual wheel is created by reversing the order (the partner’s natal chart is used as the focus, with the other person’s natal chart plotted around it). By combining the houses, signs, and planets of two individuals in this manner we can determine the more problematic or smooth areas operating in a relationship. As energy is neutral, even the ‘worst’ aspects between two people can be used positively. Negative or ‘hard’ aspects are the most dynamic and growth-oriented. Without these types of aspects in a relationship things would be quite boring. The aspects often given this dark spin are the conjunction (0 degrees), the opposition (180 degrees), the square (90 degrees), the quincunx (150 degrees), the semisquare (45 degrees), the sesquiquadrate (135 degrees), and sometimes others depending on each individual astrologer’s practice. I prefer to think of these aspects as challenging rather than ‘bad,’ and therefore I consider them transformative in nature. Without enough of these transformative, growth-related aspects in a relationship it is unlikely two people would be interested in forming much of a relationship at all, let alone an intimate, sexual bond.
If two people love, honour and respect one another they will want to make the effort to improve and develop the connection even if they have difficulties between them others may not understand. With this in mind, it must also be noted that the couple must desire the same type of relationship and both must want to make it work if it is to become a long-term union. It isn’t always easy to see how things will work out between two people from the Synastry chart alone, but it does provide a good solid base with which to begin.
In my own life, I have had repeating themes with intimate friends who are here to teach me, in one way or another, to stand up for myself and to communicate my own feelings more progressively and perhaps aggressively. Within these friendships I have been pushed forward spiritually, and I have been able to grow and have learned to express myself more fully regarding spiritual matters to others. I would like to examine three of these challenging relationships and share with you the Synastry which has enabled me to develop emotionally, spiritually, and professionally. By using and studying the astrological threads that connect me to these men, I have been able to determine my own path in life and gained a greater understanding not only of my relationship with them, but also a deeper understanding of astrology and relationships in general.
Challenging Aspects
My first relationship was with a man called Douglas (Synastry chart 1). This relationship was unsettled from the very beginning, with neither of us knowing where it was heading or even if it was, indeed, going anywhere at all. We did not know what the other wanted and were both quite young. The attraction was very strong, almost overpowering and although I found out later that he considered us in a relationship, he never made it clear what he wanted. This relationship went on for four years before I finally decided to move on and seek something more solid with another. You can see the hesitation and the uncertainty between us as symbolized by our Neptune contacts: my Neptune trine his Sun, sesquiquadrate Mercury, semisextile Mars, and sesquiquadrate Saturn. Douglas’s Neptune is sextile my Mercury, opposition my Saturn, and semisquare Uranus. His Mars is at 29 degrees 16 minutes of Libra, which is in a close conjunction with my Venus at 28 degrees 37 minutes of Libra in my first house. Douglas’s Mars in Libra touched my chart in a challenging, progressive, transformative manner due to other aspects his Mars made to my natal chart. When my grandmother died, he was the only person in my life who would discuss the greater spiritual meaning behind life and death. We had our share of good times and more than our share of difficult times together. Our connection was explosive. Not only is Douglas’s Mars semisquare my Sun, his Pluto is conjunct it. This Mars contact with my Sun has been said to represent a ‘battle ground’ and the Pluto contact will often force the Sun to stand up for his or her own individuality. These difficult contacts required patience, unconditional love, and understanding I did not have then. After we separated, we did not communicate for over twelve years, although we both thought of each other often. By the time we reconnected, I had already experienced a dramatic thrust into becoming the person I am today when I met Tom (Synastry Chart 2).
I met Tom in April of 2000. The contact was dramatic to the point I dreamt about it the night before…I had a dream that I was talking to a man online and we were in love with each other. The next morning, it happened. The energy flowed both ways and in exactly one week’s time, he told me he loved me. I held out for another week before I told him I felt the same way. It was frightening. I did not know anything about astrology, karma, or metaphysics at all when we met and his energy was overpowering and magnetic.
Tom's Mars is at 10 degrees 8 minutes of Libra, conjoining his Uranus and my Uranus at 7 degrees 30 minutes in my 12th house. The only other contact Tom’s Mars makes to my chart is a close opposition to my Chiron in the 6th house. It was an explosive awakening for my Uranus, which is considered technically ‘unaspected’ in my natal chart. Tom changed my life and, ironically, he didn’t realize he was doing it. One day shortly after we met, he sent me a computer printout of my natal chart and interpretation that was so accurate that I immediately went to the bookstore and bought numerous books on astrology. I discovered that I had a Scorpio Moon and it was like an amazing revelation…I finally understood many things in my life that never made sense before. Somehow I instinctively knew what Scorpio meant and understood how it changed the interpretation of my Virgo Sun. I began my astrological studies with Synastry as I had very little interest in natal charts.
Although Tom gave me the wonderful gift of astrology, which has become a prominent part of my life, our relationship alternated between heated passion and dreaded arguments. We were never physically involved; indeed, he lived in another country when we met although we were born 20 miles and 2 months apart in 1970! Other factors in our respective lives prevented a solid relationship from forming and it became an on-again, off-again relationship with explosive meetings and departures that was very difficult for me emotionally. Our challenging aspects include my Saturn opposing his Mercury, Venus, Jupiter, and Neptune, my Pluto semisquare his Sun, and his Pluto conjunct my Mercury and Pluto conjunction on my 12th house cusp. His Saturn also opposed my Neptune and was inconjunct with my Ascendant. These are only a few of the more challenging aspects between us. I discovered a wealth of knowledge buried within me and as I openly shared my spiritual and astrological insight with Tom, he became very uncomfortable with the person I was becoming. He didn’t ‘believe’ in astrology or past lives or karma…he certainly didn’t feel it was possible that we were working through difficult karmic energy together. My own personal growth, which he brought to me through our Synastry contacts, drove a deep wedge between us. Four years after our meeting, we finally had an argument that tore us apart on the Venus Occultation in June of 2004.
Within two weeks after the explosive, no-turning-back argument between Tom and I, I met Stewart (Synastry Chart 3). We met online and I was very hesitant at first. Stewart felt like a breath of fresh air blowing through my soul. He was calm, cool, and seemingly collected…on the surface. We moved very slowly and as that summer progressed, we spent more and more time together talking online. Our friendship developed but he did not rush or pressure me. We did not have terrible arguments and it felt wonderful to me. Stewart’s Mars is at 19 degrees Libra, conjoining my Ascendant. We have what others could consider extremely challenging contacts between us. His Saturn is in near exact conjunction with my Moon, and he has a natal Moon-Saturn conjunction as well. His Saturn also conjoins with my Venus and Jupiter. My Saturn opposes his Mercury and Venus and squares his Pluto. Stewart’s Pluto conjoins my Mars. I do not feel that there could be a greater transformative connection between two individuals than the Mars-Pluto conjunction…it is a very regenerative aspect in the Synastry of two individuals. We have been on a roller coaster ride together these past two years, but we are always able to talk as respectful adults and clear the air about what is happening between us. After each difficult period passes, we grow closer than ever. His encouragement supports me as I continue to study and explore astrology and its ability to improve our relationship with each other and those around us.
All three of these relationships have challenged me, stretched me, and pushed me to learn something about myself. I am now in contact with Douglas again and we share many long talks about spirituality and evolutionary growth. We’ve discussed how we’ve changed and the relationships we have been in that have affected us since we separated back in 1990. We are close friends now and we understand each other. The explosiveness has dissipated between us, although the same cross aspects in our Synastry still exist! We both understand enough about ourselves and each other to step back and let the other live without pressure or asking for the other to change. I have now developed the patience, unconditional love, and acceptance I needed all those years ago. The push-pull effect of all three relationships has fine-tuned and molded my ability to live and let live and our Synastry charts are a guidepost that allows me to understand how to work with each relationship to the best of my ability.
The world is not white and black, just as Synastry aspects are not good or bad. There are many shades of grey and the expression of the Synastry contacts can change as the two people involved grow as individuals. Whereas the more challenging Saturn contacts between myself and Tom helped to drive us apart, the very same aspects between myself and Stewart keep us together. Every relationship we will enter into in our lives is different. If you find a repeating theme and similar situations within your relationships, understand that it is up to you to learn the lesson the relationship is providing you. The lesson for me was to learn to speak my own truth within relationship no matter if those I am speaking to fully understand or accept my vision. I could not continue to keep quiet simply because I wanted to please those who I was involved with. I had to own and express my own truth and if someone I loved and cared for tried to hold me back or keep me quiet, I would have to sever the relationship or speak up louder. With Tom, I learned that he could not accept my beliefs; indeed, he could not accept me for who I am. This enabled me to push forward and find a relationship where my differences were accepted and respected. The astrological threads between myself and these three men have shown me that astrology can be used to understand and improve my relationships and they have also helped me to recognize that it takes two people to create a partnership and that sometimes the best for all involved is to let the other person go.
My spiritual journey began when my grandmother passed away in 1989 and Douglas talked with me long into the night about life and death. It continued on through my relationship with Tom, where I was introduced to new ways of viewing life through astrology and now, today, I am continuing to learn on my mutual transformative journey with Stewart. This morning he wrote me a joyous email in which he exclaimed that he had deep thoughts concerning the soul, that maybe it was just another form of energy and like all energy, it is neither created nor destroyed, just converted to other forms. This was a great spiritual breakthrough for him the very basic understanding of reincarnation and how two souls could build karma up between them. After nearly two years of intense discussions and intimate conversations where we have discussed all matters of life and death, astrology, karma, and relating, he has realized a truth I was never able to impart to him in direct dialogue. He believes he has discovered it on his own. I couldn’t be happier for him.
